Dating Advice: 4 Unrealistic Relationship Expectations That Are Keeping You Single
A dating relationship is always exciting and invigorating and most people step into it with lots of needs, wishes, and of course, expectations – the pleasant initial conversations that you just don’t want to end, the overly optimistic idea that the relationship will turn into something truly extraordinary, etc.
However, most of these relationship expectations transform, too often, into unrealistic expectations that are just impossible or too high for your partner to meet. These unrealistic relationship expectations can subsequently lead to conflicts, disappointment, and breakup.
It’s not that nobody wants to keep a relationship with you. It’s just that you’ve set too many unrealistic expectations, possibly unknowingly, and these are keeping you perpetually “single.” If this continues, it can make your dating life quite difficult for you and you may end up building up frustration that may prevent you from being happy and moving forward.
To help you build a healthy and long-lasting relationship, here are four of the unrealistic relationship expectations that you must ditch except if you “intentionally” like keeping yourself single:
- You Expect Your Partner Not To Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex
Fine! Nobody likes the idea of their partner keeping friends of the opposite sex, especially when the friend is cute or the friendship is close. It can make you feel a bit uncomfortable, even if you trust your partner to the moon and back – that’s normal.
However, forbidding your partner from having friends of the opposite set is entirely unfair, especially if your partner has proven to you that you’ve got no cogent reason to be jealous. If you find it really difficult to allow your partner to be around members of the opposite sex (some even detest phone calls to the opposite sex) that they’re attracted to, you need to work on your insecurities, as you may end up driving your future partner away.
- You Expect Your Partner To Pay all Bills
This point goes, especially, to the ladies. If you expect your partner to pay for everything in the relationship, then you’re wrong. At this point, I would want you to understand the difference between a norm and an expectation – both aren’t the same thing.
It’s a norm for you man to take the lead in paying the bills but that shouldn’t be your expectation always so you wouldn’t get hurt if he doesn’t do it. So, if you expect your man to clear every bill, I encourage you to drop the expectation and reconsider why you believe that and what you’re really looking for.
Even if your partner is extremely successful financially, expecting him or her to pay all bills may either make them feel taken for granted or make them see you as unreasonably reliant. So, don’t expect your partner to have unlimited funds to spend on/with you if you want to keep your relationship.
- You Expect Your Partner To Spend All Their Free Time With You
In case you don’t know, relationships tend to prosper when both partners maintain a “level” of independence within their individual private lives. Yes! This creates a healthy amount of distance that triggers the desire for closeness.
Being in a relationship shouldn’t feel like being enclosed – you would want to have your own friends and own life outside the relationship and so also your partner. Even if you’ve decided to spend all your free time with your partner, don’t expect your partner to spend his or her free time with you – give some breathing space. Else your partner will get “fatigued” and want less of you.
Except if both you and your partner have agreed to be each other’s “24-7 partner in crime” and want to always be together with each other, always handle time issues wisely so you don’t end up arguing over every single trip away.
- You Expect Your Partner To Apologize First
This is a common cause of most relationship breakups. There is no general rule as to which partner should apologize first in a relationship. So, if it’s your usual expectation that your partner should apologize first, you may stay longer being single.
For instance, if one partner is used to the other partner always taking the first step to apologize after every disagreement or feud, he or she would begin to develop the pattern of believing that his or her partner will always come around to apologize, even if he or she is wrong or at fault.
Always believing or expecting that your partner is going to make the first move to apologize can be very destructive to any relationship. The hard truth is, there’s little or no guarantee that your partner will always or continue to take the first move and this may affect your love bond.
Don’t Always Expect Your Partner to Take Your Side
Note: Having your back is completely different from taking your side. The first is a matter of support while the second is a matter of agreement.
If you want your relationship to go on smoothly, you better don’t expect your partner to always agree with you. Everybody is entitled to his or her own opinion or thought, and chances are that it may not align with yours.
Don’t Expect Your Partner to Always Know Your Need or What You’re Thinking
If fine in every relationship for both partners to know each other well and to understand and anticipate each other’s needs – this is undoubtedly a sign of an intimate relationship. However, when you begin to assume that your partner knows all your needs or what you’re thinking and is intentionally ignoring your feelings whenever he or she does something that bothers you is not a very good idea.
You can’t just expect anyone to read your mind to know your need or know what you want to do without you saying it (except a psychic). So, always save yourself the drama by always discussing your needs and thoughts.
In conclusion, there’s no magic in a relationship so don’t expect your partner to fulfill all your unrealistic relationship expectations. Instead, follow the tips above to keep track of your expectations. This way, you’ll be paving the way for a loving, happy, and most especially, lasting relationship.