The One Fart That Brought Our Relationship To an End
It took a long time for me to say yes to Aboagye’s proposal. I wanted to be sure of him. I wanted to know him inside out. Above all, I wanted to be sure of myself before giving my all in another relationship
He didn’t tick all the boxes but he ticked the most important ones—he had a job, he lived on his own, and seemed like he couldn’t hurt a fly.
We had a beautiful start just like all other new relationships—early morning calls and text messages, checking in during the day, and the evening calls that looked like it wasn’t ever going to end. We had it all.
Six months into the relationship, we were almost inseparable. You won’t see him without me or me without him. We spoke about almost everything and even gossiped about everyone around us. It was fun and all until one-day things changed.
We had gone out on a date and returning home to his place. It could be about something I ate that didn’t sit well with my tummy—All of a sudden my stomach started rumbling and gas started building up in my tummy. Every now and then, I would have the urge to fart but I held on. I held on so tight it was becoming unbearable.
Just the two of us in the car with the windows rolled up and the air condition on. I couldn’t bring myself to just let it slip. Though we had been together for almost a year, I had never farted in front of him and neither had he. In my mind, we hadn’t gotten to that level yet so I tried with all my might to squeeze my bum tight anytime I had the urge.
I tried. I really tried to hold on, at least till we got home but you see, fart would always find its way out somehow. Along the way, he said something that was very funny and I started laughing out loud. Unfortunately, I lost my guard.
The fart just slipped out. It wasn’t the silent type. This one was so loud. It was loud and long. I tried my best to even hold it midway but no. It just continued ripping like thunder. I had zero control over it until it finally came to a stop. I was very embarrassed so I told him; “I’m very sorry. It was an accident.”
Before I could finish apologizing, the smell started taking over. It wasn’t easy on the nose at all. I myself couldn’t stand it. He suddenly pulled the breaks and dashed out of the car as if the car was about to catch fire. I sat still with my eyes closed. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t have the courage to look at him.
Minutes after, he came back to the car. He started asking questions; “Why would you do such a thing? What happened to your manners as a lady? You could have excused yourself and do it outside, no?” I had no answers to any of his questions. I only said, “It wasn’t intentional. I’m sorry.” He kept ranting and throwing in veiled insults at me.
The plans for the night changed. Instead of spending the night at his place, I opted to go home.
I was so pained I couldn’t sleep when I got home. I just for the life in me couldn’t understand why he behaved the way he did towards me just because of a fart that happened by accident. Everything he said to me meant I had no manners and lacked the right to fart in his presence.
He called the next morning to apologize for his behavior. He said, “I overreacted. Forgive me. I was just overwhelmed to see a woman of your caliber carry out such an act.”
A woman of my caliber? What does that even mean? A woman of my caliber doesn’t fart?
In my previous relationship, I could fart in front of my boyfriend because I trusted him that much and it was a sign that I had nothing to hide. He did too and even laughed about it but Aboagye didn’t want a woman my caliber to fart. If I stayed with him forever, it meant I couldn’t fart freely anytime he was around?
We got back together but life wasn’t the same again between us. Slowly we drifted apart and eventually called it to quit. The fart might not be the reason we ended the relationship but anytime I think of him, I think back to that moment when he said a lot of awful things to me because, in his mind, a beautiful woman shouldn’t carry an ugly fart. I know my soul left the relationship that day.